Many clinicians have experienced it at some point. A client makes a personal comment or asks a direct question. “Do you have kids?”, “What made you want to become a therapist?”, “Are you married?”
Sometimes the questions are light and easy to answer. Other times, they may catch you off guard. Regardless of how comfortable you are with personal disclosure, it’s helpful to pause and consider a few things before you respond.
What is the client seeking?
Before answering, take a moment to reflect on what the client might really be looking for. Are they trying to deepen the relationship? Normalize something they’re feeling? Find a sense of safety or similarity?
Identifying the purpose of the question can help you respond in a way that centers the client’s needs, rather than your own reflex to either disclose or deflect.
Is this disclosure helpful or distracting?
There’s no single rule that works for every clinician. Some clients may benefit from a small piece of personal information, if appropriate. Others may begin to focus more heavily on your life rather than their own.
You may ask yourself:
- Will this strengthen or confuse the therapeutic relationship?
- Will it support the client’s goals?
- Am I feeling the urge to share for them, or for me?
When you’re unsure, slow it down
Not every question needs an immediate answer. If you feel caught off guard or unclear, it’s okay to take a pause. You might say, “That’s a thoughtful question. Can I ask what made you curious about that?” or “Let me think about how I want to respond to that.”
This models healthy boundaries and gives you space to decide how you want to proceed.
You can be warm without oversharing
You might worry that setting limits around personal information will come off as cold or distant. But boundaries and warmth can coexist. You might say:
- “I think your curiosity makes a lot of sense. I want to be mindful of how much I share so the focus can stay on you.”
- “That’s a fair question, and I also want to make sure we’re using our time in a way that feels helpful for you.”
Let your values and style guide you
Every clinician has a different relationship with self-disclosure. Some lean into it intentionally. Others prefer a more neutral stance.
What matters most is that your approach is thoughtful, consistent, and aligned with your values. If you’re part of a group practice like Great Lakes Psychology Group, you may even want to explore these conversations in peer consultation to hear how others navigate similar moments.
When clients ask personal questions, it’s not necessarily a boundary violation. In many cases, it’s a bid for connection. With reflection and care, you can meet those moments in a way that feels grounded for you and supportive for them.
